"Cliche Guevara"

I spent the day reading Tom Gabel’s blog, tracing my way through the posts in rewind. I recently got into Against Me! and found the man to be quite interesting. I don’t want to be singing praises or displaying my (totally heterosexual) fondness of the guy here, though. It just that it reminds me of how I did the same with Claudio Sanchez’s (for a brief period since it hasn’t been updated) and Jason Mraz’s blogs. They really got me hooked and I enjoy reading about their yarns, opinions, personal struggles and fun times as much as I do watching movies and TV series.

There’s something about the fast-paced life of a touring musician that fascinates me. It’s not just about earning money doing something you love, visiting new places and making new acquaintances each day. I want to know about the unpredictability of life on the road, the changes it causes to the artist as a person and how the whole experience teaches them and defines their overall outlook on life and everything.

I also love reading about the attitudes and philosophies that they stand for. These people are autonomous men who think on their own feet. While influences from others are apparent, they don’t actually seek for endorsement from others since they truly believe in themselves. For so long, this has been my ultimate hope of my upcoming adulthood. I desperately ache to change. I want to be the guy in the future who, when he meets my 23 year-old self, would be ashamed that he knows me at all. I want him to shake my 23 year-old self and scream at my face ruthlessly, “What the hell are you doing!?”.

At this point, my lifestyle is the direct opposite of sophistication. I am not social person, I don’t read, I haven’t got my finger on the pulse of the world and I don’t think much except for morbid destructive things. In short, I am a little useless sad guy who resides in the lowest and furthest rank possible from successful touring musicians. Even if they just happen to have an interesting job and are actually ordinary people with their own everyday ups and downs.

Like a kid wishing to be their favourite superhero, I really like to live these people’s lives. At such time when (for undisclosed reasons) I feel my life has already been dragged to a halt before it commences, I feel the need to daydream about something real that someone else is experiencing at this very moment. Being a touring rockstar is certainly not a fairy tale and this resonates with me. The interesting eventful life is something that I wish for but on the other hand, the frustrations and hopelessness that they can’t escape reminds me that my own frustrations and hopelessness might not be exclusive to me.